dr.ricky online

Category: Opinion

  • Court behavior beyond the game

    Court behavior beyond the game

    When people picture beach volleyball culture, they usually just think about just the game. People don’t seem to have to think about how the ball, or the net, or the court itself got there. Like the illusion of cooking shows on TV, these things didn’t actually magically appear – specially in public parks and areas, someone had to lug all the equipment there. Someone had to lay down lines, set up the net, bring out the balls. And someone has to break it all down and clear it away at the end of the day.

    In many venues, that someone is one person, or a very small group of people. The same dedicated people who will usually come week after week, spend the money out of their pockets to sustain the active social gathering. Oddly, though, this labor quickly becomes invisible. Players come to a venue simply assuming that they are entitled to challenge onto the courts, and fight to hang on to the courts. The commonly used “challenge” system can mean that those who have worked hardest to maintain a venue can end up using it the least.

    The unspoken injustice shows up in the gambit where players try to find that optimal timing to arrive late enough to avoid helping with set up, and leave early enough to avoid breakdown, while conspiring to form stacked teams to play as much as possible. Or in some cases, openly await the availability of the court set up to “steal” it from the ones who have worked on it. Anecdotally, I’ve observed self-professed “advanced” players disdainful to assist in these matters, more concerned about spending time warming up or stretching out — with the unspoken implication that the this is the appropriate burden for novices.

    Many communities have these selfless organizers and abused leaders, who do this for the love of the game. Afford them a bit more respect, and help to sustain the community. Offer to play with them, specially if you are borrowing their equipment. And at the very least speak your gratitude. Curb the entitlement, for those who rise in recognition often do so on the shoulders of the dedicated silent lovers of the game.

    Dedicated to the memory of Sammy delaSchott.

  • Just that way

    Just that way

    On a hot Texas summer day for regular pick up beach volleyball, I was asked to fill in on a doubles team by someone seeking a break. My soon to be partner for this game seemed agreeable until we got onto the court, where he made his distaste for sharing the court with me clear after the second serve. He refused high fives, didn’t speak with me, and when I sought to get eye contact, he turned his back to me. During the game, if I ever performed the first contact, no matter the quality, he made it obvious that he was never going set. No, not attempting to score using an on-two strategy – the ball would be simply lofted clumsily into the opponents’ court. These acts of self sabotage were so blatant that our opponents were crying out, “Set him the ball!”.

    I did what I could to be supportive to a player intent on pretending that he didn’t depend on me — rescuing shanks, trying to cover clumsy defensive attempts, and setting him up as often as possible — even with clear disdain for my existence. I even thanked him for the game afterwards, before walking away.

    Now I have played with difficult partners before, and this situation was definitely up there. But I couldn’t puzzle out exactly why he behaved that way – was it something in my behavior? Why would he agree to play only to commit seething team suicide? I wanted to learn so that I knew how to improve. I asked some of the other guys who were on the same court what I did wrong, and just about all of them said that I did nothing wrong. At least one person sheepishly apologized for the situation, and attributed his behavior to being “very competitive”, “hating to lose”, and he’s “just that way.”
    But they all continued to play with him. With the other partners, he at least played as a team mate, so the refusal clearly directed only to me.

    While I may never know why (though many years of height discrimination has perhaps toughened me to summary rejection on the volleyball court), I did notice that despite witnessing explicitly rude behavior, he had no problem getting partners for later games. This action had no social consequence, if anything, he may have been rewarded for it. The very people witnessing this tacitly accepted the behavior.

    I see parallels between this and how women must feel when put in a sexual harassment situation. How often they must have had to put up with rude behavior, justified by “he’s just that way”, and “boys will be boys” — only to watch the very same men get promoted and empowered, sometimes it appears for the very behavior that civil society should condemn. The problem comes because of being complicit in the system. One does not speak up because some day you may want the same person on your team.

    So, what to do about this? I don’t know. I need to contemplate on it, to understand how to shift volleyball culture to mitigate this behavior, because such insecurity belies the seed from which serious hate grows.